June. I have always loved June. It has always been synonymous with beginnings and endings, poised squarely in the middle of the year: a little balancing act of sorts. School is over, summer has crested the horizon, my birthday to top it all. Yes, I have always loved June.
I haven’t been in touch with my writing for what I think has been over a month – and trust me, I can feel it. Words drag heavily on my keyboard, like a scorned lover who wants to make things difficult just for the sake of it. But they’re here and it’s a start.
Not in touch with my writing is actually a little lie. I am (finally!) doing things with my writing, things I’ve always wanted to do – though God knows, it’s only the tip of a very big iceberg of a dream. It’s a work in progress so I’m not giving up on that just yet. The point is, it means I have less time for personal writing – and my dear words has fallen a little by the wayside. I sketched a good number of writing posts, but none came to fruition. Yes, June definitely had something to do with it.
You know how sometimes, things seem to just happen in perfect order? How a decision starts taking shape, shimmering, but still looming in the distance and you decide you’ll wait for a sign before you act on it? When the sign is promptly presented and every box is ticked and the stars are in perfect formation, you think to yourself, “This has to be it.” Like clockwork. Now, I’m a very contradictory woman. I’m all for Carpe Diem! but I think things through and I plan and I list the consequences.. and sometimes that shout of Seize the Day! gets fainter and fainter and then slips away entirely. Well, June was different. In my little microcosm, in this little balancing act called life, I decided to take a step into an “adultier” adulthood. It was scary a bit, but it was beautiful.
This is actually funny because I never meant to write this post. Somehow though, I felt I needed the space to just be, to think things through and to realise how very often things do happen for a reason, despite how disgustingly cliched it sounds. I didn’t have the energy to write or follow up on my grand writing plans. I was too caught up in a whirlwind of activity (hell, I still am) and I was too happy surrounded by people to really bother about not having time to write. Then I guess passion and withdrawal symptoms kick in. I wish I could transcribe every single thought that passed my head this past June. I think it would have made a good read. Alas, I have to seduce my own words out. Come on, easy does it.
Thank you, June. For reminding me once more that this is forever, that “when I grow up” just doesn’t apply anymore. Do what you have to today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.