I just felt that at that time in my life, I needed to be somewhere else, doing something else. I had to get away, if only for a while, if only to appreciate what I had and what I feared I was taking for granted. So I fled. “
An Office in the Sky, December 16th, 2013
Dear friends and family,
It’s been more than 8 months since I wrote the above few lines in my first post. It’s the 21st of August now and it’s been more than a week since I touched back on the rock I call home for good. It has been an amazing year. But deciding to come back has probably been one of the best decisions I could have taken. I haven’t seen the whole world, I haven’t experienced every adventure that being a flight attendant could have offered. I haven’t even ticked all the sights I had set out to see. But a year in, I feel that what I did see, experience, discover are enough, at least for now. The lure of home was too strong. I packed my bags and left before the life I was living ensnared me.
You must therefore be wondering what on Earth has brought me back to this blog, a blog which was supposed to have travel and adventure at its core. I can almost hear you ask, what is the point?
To be quite frank, I too had to stop for a while and ponder my options. What was the point of continuing what was mostly a travel blog if I was not travelling often anymore? That’s where I found it. The point. The main reason behind this blog was never to write about how beautiful other countries are, how lucky I was to get to see so many places, how utterly amazing my job was to give me the chance to see bits and parts of this world we call home. No. The main reason was for me to have space, space to write, space where I could be myself, where I could express all my doubts, my anxieties, my joy, my plans, my promises. Something I could share with the people who matter. And it was idyllic because it was just that, the motivation I needed to push me to write and write and write. There is also the matter of all the destinations I haven’t written about these past months, and all the future ones already planned in my little hyperactive mind. Once I found it, the reason to keep going, I’m all set to blog again.
Being cabin crew and blogging do not come exclusively together. I could do one, without being the other. Granted there would have to be changes to the content and so on, but change is good. It’s not happening just for the sake of being innovative but because I’m genuinely going through something new and exciting. This kind of change is beneficial. I’d go as far to say that change in this case is mandatory. When there is no change there is stagnation and where there is stagnation there’s absence of creativity and challenges. It’s just not fun anymore. Just as I have undergone yet another radical and sudden change in my life, so has the creative side of me. I have yearned to sit down and write away my fears this past month but, for reasons beyond me, I have kept my desire to write under lock and key. This actually feels very much like the first gulp of fresh air you take after you’ve been under your covers in bed for too long. It feels good. And it feels like I finally know what it was I was missing out on.
Being back home makes me happy. I don’t really think my vocabulary suffices to say just how insanely happy hearing the fireworks from my bedroom window makes me. Or meeting my friends whenever I want. Or dipping my feet in the sea, knowing there was no countdown to the end of this. I was back for good. My first few days were a little hectic and just very slightly depressing. For the first time in my life I was unemployed and job hunting. Given how prone to stress and anxiety I had been of late, everything seemed to be tinged in negative hues. Apparently I have no idea how the waiting game is played. All you need is a little bit of patience and the confidence that if you believe in your strengths, you will be somehow rewarded.
I have been extremely lucky to find a job which enthuses me and to which I go with a spring in my step. My first week in Malta has taught me to take defeats with a pinch of salt. When I got turned down for an interview I was really excited and hopeful for, I thought that something about me was wrong and that I didn’t have what it takes (I told you I was slightly depressed, didn’t I?). That’s when I figured that maybe all I should do was learn from it. Ultimately if everything really does happen for a reason, then maybe something better was on its way. And it did. In retrospect, I’m actually glad I wasn’t chosen. But that’s life for you. A series of twists, turns, surprisingly pleasant corners and an infinite number of wrong signs. Just do what your gut tells you. In the end, what you choose will always be the best option you had.
Having said this, I am also very much aware that at times I feel like I have left half of myself back in Dubai. I will miss the people I have come to love and call family. I cried all the way home after my little farewell gathering. When people come together because they are far away from home, they tend to get under your skin. It’s a special kind of community, one which I already sorely miss. Living alone also had its perks. Tending to your things, looking after yourself, having roommates to share moments with have made me a better person. It won’t be long before the sandpit sees me again.
Where does it all go from here? I remember asking this in my first ever post. The answer I gave was that I did not have the vaguest idea. And that’s the beauty of it. I don’t have a specific direction. I want to be pulled in many different directions. I want to write about beauty, about arts, about technology, about my life, other people’s lives. I want to write about things which inspire me to see things differently, about people I love. I want to write of beautiful literature and equally beautiful real moments. I want to write about anything which gives me an excuse to write. I won’t be changing the name because, in many respects, everyone’s office or house or room should be up in the sky. When the clouds are within reach, there’s very little that you can’t do. It’s a little metaphor for everyone to aspire to do great and to be great.
Writing may be tough and frustrating at times. But it makes me happy. A cup of tea, a biscuit, a notebook and a mind overflowing with the desire to communicate beauty. This is where the grass is greener. And if we all could take a while to find where this could be for each of us, and grow and blossom on our little patch of green, the world would be a much happier place.